I accidentally burped into my bong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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