I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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