The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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