i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why is half of my head shaved?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
