totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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