he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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