On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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