Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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