So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
