I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
