Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
