Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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