careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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