Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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