for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
