My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
