Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
