The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
