I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
