based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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