i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
