Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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