before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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