i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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