She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
