I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
