his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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