Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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