For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
