hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
