so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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