I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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