Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
