nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
