Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
