Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
