why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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