this beer tastes like vomit already
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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