I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
