we're blogging at a bar
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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