oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
