if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
