and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
