is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
