How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
