He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
