Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
