Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
