Are we in a gay sports bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
