Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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