brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize