Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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(813): View more from Florida

Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.

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(909): View more from California

he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

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(209): View more from California

Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

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(613): View more from Ontario

She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

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(314): View more from Missouri

It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.

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(406): View more from Montana

Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.

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(703): View more from Virginia

i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.

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