I wish they made helmets for livers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
