Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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