Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
