If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
