Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
