Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
