Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
