he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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