I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
