I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
